What does low confidence look like?
Low self confidence can be linked to certain situations or felt more generally. You might feel fine at home but tongue-tied in meetings, or sure of yourself at work but anxious in social settings. For some people, the doubt follows them almost everywhere.
It often shows up in small, everyday ways. You may overthink messages before sending them, apologise when you've done nothing wrong, or brush off compliments. Many people avoid opportunities, such as applying for a promotion or joining a new group, because they assume they'll get it wrong. Over time, steering clear of challenges can quietly reinforce the belief that you can't handle them.
Self esteem and self confidence: what's the difference?
Self esteem is the overall opinion you hold of yourself. Self confidence relates to what you believe you can do, while self esteem is about how much you value who you are. That's why you can be confident in your skills at work and still have low self esteem underneath.
Low self esteem can feel like a harsh inner voice that is always ready with a judgement. It might tell you that you're not good enough, that people will find you out, or that you don't deserve good things. Working on self esteem tends to be slower and gentler than building confidence for one task. It involves noticing that voice, understanding where it comes from, and practising a fairer, kinder way of seeing yourself.
Where does self-doubt come from?
Self-doubt is usually learned rather than something you were born with. It is often shaped by past experiences, such as criticism in childhood, bullying at school, a controlling relationship or a run of setbacks. Comparing yourself with others, especially on social media, can make it worse.
The encouraging part is that what has been learned can often be relearned. Understanding where your doubts began doesn't change the past, but it can help you see that those old messages aren't the full truth about you.
How NLP may help build confidence
NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) focuses on how you think, talk to yourself and picture situations in your mind. Sonya Hudson holds a Master Practitioner Diploma in NLP and uses its practical exercises to help you notice unhelpful patterns and try out new ones.
For example, you might recall a time when you felt capable and calm, then learn to bring back that feeling before a challenging moment. You might also practise changing how you speak to yourself, swapping "I'll mess this up" for something more balanced. NLP theory isn't scientifically established, so it's best seen as a set of practical tools rather than a proven therapy. Many people find it has a coaching feel.
Hypnotherapy and counselling for self esteem
Hypnotherapy
In a relaxed, focused state, hypnotherapy can help you rehearse specific situations while feeling calm and assured. You might picture yourself speaking up in a meeting, going to a social event or saying no to an unreasonable request. Practising this in your imagination can make the real situation feel less daunting.
Counselling
When low self esteem has deep roots, counselling offers space to explore the experiences that have shaped how you see yourself. Talking these through with someone who listens without judgement can be an important step towards treating yourself more kindly.
What happens in sessions
After a free phone call to talk through your goals and the fees, your first session usually starts with a conversation about where confidence is lacking and what you'd like to be different. Together you'll decide which approach suits you best. Many people use a mix, for example NLP exercises followed by a short hypnosis session.
Sessions are held at Sonya's clinic in Wallsend and usually last 60 to 90 minutes. Some people notice a shift quickly, especially for a specific situation, while deeper self esteem work tends to take longer. Confidence grows through experience, so Sonya may suggest small real-life steps to try between sessions. Progress varies from person to person.
Small ways to build confidence day by day
Confidence is built through small actions repeated over time. These ideas are simple to start with:
- Keep a "done" list. Each evening, write down three things you managed, however small they seem.
- Notice your inner critic. When you catch a harsh thought, ask whether you'd say the same thing to a friend.
- Take one small risk. Ask a question, share an idea or try something new, then notice that you coped.
- Accept compliments. Practise saying "thank you" instead of explaining why the praise isn't deserved.
- Limit comparisons. If social media leaves you feeling worse, cut back or mute the accounts that knock your mood.
If one particular situation is the main problem, our pages on public speaking and exam and test nerves go into more detail.
When to seek medical advice
If low self esteem is part of a wider pattern of low mood, hopelessness or anxiety, please also speak to your GP. They can help you access the right support, and in England you can refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies.
If you need urgent help: call 999 or go to A&E in an emergency. For urgent mental health support, call NHS 111 (option 2 in England) or contact your GP. Samaritans are available day and night on 116 123.
Questions
Can you become confident in just one session?
Some people notice a shift quickly, especially for a specific situation. Deeper self esteem work usually takes longer, so no one should promise you a one-session fix.
Is this the same as coaching?
There's some overlap. NLP has a coaching flavour, while hypnotherapy and counselling add relaxation and deeper reflection.
Is low self esteem a mental health problem?
Low self esteem isn't a mental health condition in itself, but it can be linked with anxiety and depression. If it's affecting your mood or daily life, it's sensible to speak to your GP as well.
How do I know if I need help with my confidence?
If self-doubt stops you doing things you want to do, or you're often harsh with yourself, support may help. A free phone call with Sonya is a simple way to talk it through.