What grief can feel like
Grief is the natural response to losing someone or something that mattered to you. It affects your emotions, your body and the way you think. Sadness is the feeling most people expect, but grief can also bring anger, guilt, numbness, anxiety, longing or even relief, sometimes all in the same day.
The physical side of grief often surprises people. You might feel drained, struggle to sleep, lose your appetite or find it hard to concentrate on simple tasks. Some people feel a heavy ache in their chest, or catch themselves expecting the person to walk through the door. These are common reactions, and they don't mean you are coping badly.
Grief isn't only about bereavement
The death of a loved one is the most familiar form of loss, but grief can follow many kinds of change. These include:
- Divorce, separation or the end of a close friendship.
- Miscarriage, baby loss or difficulties having children.
- Redundancy, retirement or the loss of a career you valued.
- A serious diagnosis for you or for someone close to you.
- Moving away from home, or the death of a much-loved pet.
Other people sometimes overlook these losses, which can leave you feeling that you shouldn't be so upset. Yet the feelings are just as real, and they deserve the same care and time.
Is there a right way to grieve?
There's no right way to grieve and no fixed timetable. You may have heard of the "stages of grief", but most people don't move through neat stages in order. Instead, grief tends to come in waves. At first they can feel constant and overwhelming. Over time they often become less frequent, although an anniversary, a song or an ordinary moment can still bring one back.
Many people find that grief doesn't shrink so much as their life slowly grows around it. The aim isn't to forget or "move on", but to find ways of carrying the loss that feel more manageable.
How counselling can support you
Counselling offers a calm, confidential space to talk about the person or thing you've lost, and about everything you're feeling. Friends and family often want to help, but they may be grieving too, or they may change the subject when you mention your loss. In counselling you don't need to protect anyone or put on a brave face.
Sonya Hudson holds a Level 3 Diploma in Psychotherapeutic Counselling, and her sessions are supportive and led by you. You might share memories, talk about the circumstances of the loss, or work through practical worries about the future. Some people want to explore feelings of guilt or things left unsaid, while others simply need someone to listen.
Can hypnotherapy or Reiki help with grief?
Hypnotherapy and Reiki can't take grief away, and nobody should promise that they will. What they may offer is some relief from the exhaustion, tension and poor sleep that so often come with loss. Some people choose them alongside counselling, or later on when the rawest stage has passed.
Hypnotherapy and relaxation
In a hypnotherapy session, Sonya guides you into a deeply relaxed state. This can be a welcome break from constant thinking, and it may help you rest more easily at night. Sessions can also include calm, gentle imagery that some people find comforting.
Reiki
Reiki takes place fully clothed on a couch, with Sonya's hands resting on or just above the body. A hands-off session is available if you prefer. Its energy-based ideas aren't scientifically established, but some people value the stillness and quiet during a painful time.
What to expect from sessions
You can start with a free phone call to talk through what has happened and what kind of support might help. There's no pressure to book, and fees are explained during this call. Counselling sessions last around 60 minutes, while hypnotherapy and Reiki sessions usually last 60 to 90 minutes.
Sessions take place at Sonya's clinic in Wallsend, Newcastle upon Tyne. You set the pace, and you only talk about the death or loss if and when you want to. Some people come for a few sessions during an especially hard period, while others prefer support over a longer time. You're never tied into a fixed number.
Looking after yourself while grieving
Grief uses up a great deal of energy, so small acts of care really matter. These ideas may help:
- Keep a simple routine. Regular meals and a set time to get up can give your days some shape.
- Let people help. Accept offers of shopping, cooking or company, even if asking feels hard.
- Find a way to remember. Writing a letter, keeping a memory box or visiting a special place can help you feel connected.
- Be patient with yourself. Forgetfulness, tears and tiredness are normal parts of grieving.
Specialist charities can help too. Cruse Bereavement Support offers free support, including a national helpline, for anyone affected by a death.
When to seek medical advice
Speak to your GP if grief feels unbearable, if you've been unable to manage day-to-day life for a long period, or if low mood isn't lifting. In England you can also refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies. If you ever have thoughts of not wanting to live, please reach out straight away using the contacts below.
If you need urgent help: call 999 or go to A&E in an emergency. For urgent mental health support, call NHS 111 (option 2 in England) or contact your GP. Samaritans are available day and night on 116 123.
Questions
Is it too soon to seek support?
There's no right time. Some people want support straight away, while others prefer to wait until the first weeks have passed. A free phone conversation can help you decide what feels right.
Will I have to talk about the death?
Only if and when you want to. Sessions go at your pace, and you can talk about whatever feels most important to you.
How long does grief last?
There's no set time. For many people the most intense feelings ease gradually over months or years, but grief can resurface at anniversaries and other milestones. If you feel stuck or unable to cope for a long time, it's worth speaking to your GP.
Can counselling help with a loss that isn't a death?
Yes. Counselling can help with the feelings that follow divorce, redundancy, a diagnosis or other big changes. These losses are just as valid, and talking about them can make them easier to carry.